I saw the Neurologist on Monday. The first thing he says after looking at my chart is “sounds like it could be a pituitary tumor,” and he ordered an MRI. He did a quick and dirty neuro check, but I could tell he wanted the results of the scan before he did much else. I can’t help finding it interesting that the doctors throw that “T” word about so casually. Part of me wanted to start crying hysterically and scream:
I have a brain tumor?! Oh my God! I knew it! I’m going to die!
just to see what he would he do. But of course, even if it’s a tumor, I’ve read enough to know it isn’t a brain tumor, and frankly, I am not really that scared most of the time. If a pituitary adenoma is causing all sorts of crazy hormonal imbalances, then removing the tumor could solve a lot of problems. I just want this resolved. The scariest thing is how I will manage to get through school. Thankfully, JC is my rock, my fcuking hero, and he will be right with me all the way. My own family is much less interested.
When things get really bad, I am comforted by the thought that someday things will be better. I think of how much JC loves me now, and how much better our life together will be when I am no longer sick all time. He says it doesn’t bother him, but I know I am not giving him everything he deserves. I am more than this constantly tired, always sick, miserable girl with thinning hair and doughy, bruised skin.
The MRI is scheduled for tomorrow morning. JC is going with me, of course. Stay tuned…
